What did we do last night that was yellow?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm both gender and math confused
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
