Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
