He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
