dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize