He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You pole danced in your parka.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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