you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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