One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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