I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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