Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
