Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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