You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
