Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
