I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
