whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize