he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
