Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize