Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
