Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
