how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
