Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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