We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
