You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
