I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize