If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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