I just cut my nipple shaving
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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