On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
