I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize