Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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