We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize