Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My balls are so social today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
