You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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