i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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