He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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