i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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