Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
