Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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