He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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