kristin has been a bad kristin
I have demons in me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
