At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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