Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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