i already hear my dad disowning me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
