I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
