Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
