3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
