Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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