How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize