did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
