to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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