come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up backwards on a recliner
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
