so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
