Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
