I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
