i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
