I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize