My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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