if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My cat gives me a boner
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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