I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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