also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
