so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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