If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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