sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
