she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the day after is always just damage control
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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