i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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