he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
