mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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