I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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