You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
