I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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