Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
