Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
