What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
