I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize