Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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