I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
