I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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