I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
