bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize