woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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