...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He has the fingertips of a God
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