What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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