I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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