Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
