The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
