someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
