On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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