what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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