I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
