There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no, he came in my armpit
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
