I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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