he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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