He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
