Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
