it wasn't lemon gatorade
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry my hands just texted you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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