saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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