Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
