____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
