batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
