Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
