I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were trust falling into bushes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
